The Hobbit Movie

I recently saw the trailer for the new Hobbit movie coming out in a couple of months.  It was one of the first books I read as a kid, and as you'd expect, I'm tingling with anticipation.

I've always interested in fantasy stories of all kinds.  From the high fantasy of Tolkien, to the dark tales of HP Lovecraft, to the epic myths of bards, stories of fantasy have always drawn me since I was very young.

As I got older, I got involved in tabletop rpg's such as Dungeons and Dragons and Pathfinder.  I saw them as the natural evolution of me previous interests.  Where I once just read stories of fantasy, I could now take part in them.  I could be a character in a distant land of sword and sorcery and build my legend with other adventurers.

(I'm not even going to begin to go into the number of fantasy themed video games I've played over the years.)

As I get older, I find that I need my fantasies more and more.  They give me the sense of wonder I so desperately need.  I'm so happy that my first fantastical jaunt is getting adapted for the big screen (Although, three movies seems a bit much).

Another Opinion on the Chick-Fil-A Controversy

Now that it's the day after the much hyped Chick-Fil-A appreciation day, I'm going to give my belated and humble opinion...Here it goes.

For those of you who've been living under a rock under another rock in the Mojave desert, the owner of Chick-Fil-A, Dan Cathy, recently announced that he's opposed to gay marriage and gives a large amounts of money to anti-gay groups.  In response, a great number of gay people have protested Chick-Fil-A restaurants around the country.  To counter that, a large number of social conservatives bought Chick-Fil-A yesterday to support the company that they agree with.  This is actually just the most recent in a long line of controversies related to major companies and their stance on gay marriage.  Not terribly long ago, there were similar controversies regarding Oreo, JC Penny, and Target.

Here's the thing.  On any issue, people are going to spend their time and money as their conscience dictates.  This goes for company owners just as much as anyone else.  The only difference between them and everyone else is that they have more money to spend.  If you disagree with the causes that the company owner supports, feel free to take your business elsewhere.  However, if you turn your disagreement into a media frenzy, the only thing you're going to accomplish is to further entrench people into the views they already hold.  This Chick-Fil-A appreciation day is a great example of this.  People who disagreed all gathered in protest while those who agreed stuffed their faces and lined Chick-Fil-A's pockets.  If anything, it can be said that those who cried fowl (no pun intended) at Chick-Fil-A only ended up hurting themselves as Chick-Fil-A made more money than ever yesterday.

More than that, no company is entirely moral by anyone's standards.  Almost anyone you can buy something from probably supports something that you disagree with.  I remember back when people wanted to boycott Target that they were stopped in their tracks when they realized they'd have to take their business to the dreaded Wal-Mart.  It was the only other place they could afford to shop at, and it had a considerably greater number of overworked child skeletons in its closet.  The only way to have true economic integrity these days is to become a hermit off the grid and grow your own food.  Other than that, you're going to have to make a few compromises.

My ultimate advice is that everyone should chill the fuck out.  If you find out a company donates money to a cause you don't like, feel free to calmly (and quietly) spend your money elsewhere.  If you start protesting and turn it into a public spectacle, you're not going to solve anything.  You'll only make things worse.

5 Cheap but Great Places to Eat in SA

Probably the worst part of being a college student is being continually broke.  While it’s true some of us have rich parents or particularly well paying jobs, the vast majority of us have to scrape by on whatever we can earn between classes.  This can be a real problem when the weekend comes around and you want to go somewhere nice.  Nobody wants to spend Friday evening eating McDonalds.  In order to help my fellow San Antonio undergrads, I’ve decided to list my top 5 favorite restaurants where you can get a great meal for $10 or less.  I hope someone can take advantage of it.

Let’s start with a Mexican restaurant because there are so few of those in San Antonio.  Mamma Margies is my favorite karaoke, Mexican restaurant in town.  It’s also number 5 on this list.  Being that I used to be a student at UTSA, I spent many hours at the one near Wurzbach and I10 eating great food and being entertained by tone deaf karaoke singers.  Here, you can find entire Mexican plates as cheap as $6.99.  If I may say so, their Carne Guisada plate is damn good for $8.49.  Pretty much anything you could order there is great for the low price.

Number four on my list is Flying Saucer.  It’s a trendy place near Huebner and I10 with a decent menu.  They’re also one of the only two places on my list that serves alcohol (with a really decent bar actually).  Their selection of food is pretty diverse.  You can find a number of meals under $10 on their menu, especially among their burgers and sandwiches.  Their saucer burger is especially good, and it’s only $8.49.

Number three is every insomniac’s favorite.  Chacho’s is number 5 on my list.  Entrees can be as cheap as $5.49, and it’s a pretty good deal considering how good it tastes.  Here in San Antonio, we have a lot of Mexican restaurants, but it’s rare to find one that’s so cheap and so good at the same time.  It also doesn’t hurt that they’re always open and serve alcohol.

Now we’re getting to the ethnic restaurants that I really have a passion for.  My second favorite, cheap restaurant is Thai Corner.  While they’re fairly expensive at dinner time with most of their meals tipping over the $10 mark, they rule when it comes to lunch.  They have what may be the best lunch special in the city.  For $7.95, you can get an appetizer, a soup, an entrée, and a drink.  Trust me when I say it’s more than worth it.  Even if Thai Corner didn’t have their lunch special, it would probably be my favorite Thai restaurant in San Antonio.  It’s insanely good Thai food, and the low price only makes it better.

My favorite cheap restaurant in San Antonio, last but not least, is Pasha’s.  It’s a little Mediterranean place near Wurzbach and I10.  Now, putting Pasha’s on here is cheating slightly.  With both tax and tip, many of their meals can put you above the $10 mark.  Being the cheap bastard that I am, I partly circumvent this by ordering their food to go.  With the cost of a meal being about $8.99 on average, you might end up getting a little above $10 by following this strategy.  Still, it’s highly worth it.  This place, hands down, has the best Mediterranean food in the city.  I have yet to encounter anything that comes even close.

Well, I hope my restaurant suggestions go a long way to helping impoverished college students out there.  Have a good one.

Finding Myself

I am trying to find myself.  Yes, I know that sounds super cliche, but I think it's the only way to properly describe what I'm going through right now.

More than a year ago, I graduated with a degree that's next to useless in the professional world.  Of course, I'm referring to my English degree.  As opposed to most college graduates I run into, I'm not going to sugarcoat the reality that getting a degree in English will make it really hard for you to find a job in the professional world.  Even under the best of circumstances, it will be a struggle unless you're utterly fortunate. That goes for other liberal arts majors too.

Ever since graduating, I've been looking for job.  Not a "would you like fries with that" minimum wage shit job, but a real job.  Perhaps I should say I'm looking for a career.  Anyway, here's something I've been thinking about.  Whatever job I take will become a part of my identity.  I'm not saying that I'll become defined by it, but my experiences of it will become a part of who I am for the rest of my life.  In that sense, by trying to find a job, I'm trying to find a part of my future self.  That old cliche saying is actually true of me at this moment.  I AM trying to find myself in some small way.

The realization of this has begun to sink in recently.  It wears at me.

Should I Stay or Should I Go

Sorry for the misleading title.  This post has nothing to do with the song by The Clash.  My apologies.

Anyway, I've been seriously considering trying to take a teaching job in South Korea.  From what I hear, the teaching jobs there are amazing.  They pay well, look good on the resume, and give you Eat, Pray, Love style life experience.  By all accounts, I should jump at the chance to take a job like that.  Yet, I am hesitant.

I've been thinking about why I feel so uncertain about doing this.  The more I think about it, the more I realize that I can't just point to one obvious concern.  Rather, it's a number of small things that keep me weighed down here in Texas and afraid to fly across the Pacific.  Here we go with the list:

First, I always feel freaked out about being somewhere where I don't know anyone.  I'm very dependent on having friends and family in my life.  I feel like I need the support of just knowing someone is there in case I get into trouble or something.  There's always this fear that some disaster will happen, and even if nothing does happen, knowing there's help in driving distance gives me a sense of security.  I never really spent a whole lot of time far away from home as a kid...or even as an adult for that matter.  Maybe my parents should of sent me to boarding school when I was young.

Second, I'm a geek who needs other geeks!  Seriously, I need someone else who I can have a total nerdgasm with every so often.  It's a weird sort of connection that brightens up my day and makes me feel awesome.  Part of the reason I play tabletop RPG's so regularly is for the connection that it brings.  There's nothing like getting in a lively argument about Star Trek vs Star Wars or critiquing the latest crop of movies and video games.  What happens if I get to Korea and every English speaker there is all boring and normal? That would  make me nuts!

Lastly, there's the whole gay thing.  As a gay man, I always run the risk of violating some serious taboos whenever I go to a place with a vastly different culture.  It's something I have to handle with care.  From what I've researched, homosexuality is generally regarded as negative in Korean society, but at the same time, there's sort of a cultural Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy in effect.  The gay subculture there is fairly invisible compared to the West.  Just to avoid any complications, I'll have to make a return trip to the closet if I go out there.  It's not enough to simply not date.  I have no idea what sort of cultural can of worms I might open up simply by saying I like guys.  It should go without saying that this would be quite an adjustment to go from out loud and proud to living on the down low.  It would stress me out all to hell.  Still, I might be able to deal.

Anyway, those are the things holding me back.  None of these three problems are huge in themselves, but they add up.  These are the things I'll be thinking about as I decide to pursue a job out there or not.

Sexuality and Sensuality

Not too long ago, I had what may be the worst sexual experience of my life.  I won't say the guy's name.  Let's just call him Brett.  Anyway, Brett and I have both known each other for about three years.  We were both liberal arts majors at UTSA, and we actually graduated together.  We're okay friends, but our relationship's always been a bit weird.  Anyway, we recently both lamented the fact that we were alone and decided to meet up for some casual sex between friends (this actually isn't something I do very often).  It was terrible, and I'll tell you why:

Brett's Rules for Casual Sex:
No hugging
No cuddling
No kissing
No long stares
No talking
No holding hands
No massaging
No activity that conveys any strong emotion whatsoever

Anyway, our "sex" consisted of him giving me a handjob (a painfully bad one) before I went down on him.  Even in addition to all the rules listed above, he made me get on my knees on the hard floor and lower my head before him (being that this guy was a devout Catholic, I feel like there's a joke in there somewhere).  My knees were killing me by the time I finished.  It was quick and terrible.

This is in contrast to a really good sexual experience I had only a few days later which...involved no actual "sex" whatsoever.  I was at a bar on North Main when I saw this tall, handsome guy (let's call him Mike).  He had mocha colored skin and jet black hair.  Smiling, I sat down next to him and pretended that I needed directions to The Saint.  We talked for hours before he reached over and took my hand in his.  His hands were rough and strong.  Slowly, he wrapped his arms around me.  The smell of his cologne and the sound of his heartbeat were comforting.  About this time, it began to rain.  Cool, little droplets dripped down our arms.  It was refreshing as the coolness of the water contrasted with the warmth that we shared.  Then, with a Glenn Miller song playing in the background, our lips met.

Now, why was the second sexual experience I mentioned significantly better than the first?  Why was the handjob given to me by Brett so much worse than the kiss given to me Mike?  Well, one could say that Brett wasn't very skilled at what he was doing or that all his rules drained the spontaneity out of the act.  I think those are both contributing factors, but the main thing that I think made it lacking compared to the kiss was that it was lacking in savored sensuality.

We human beings are ultimately sensual creatures.  A great many activities we engage in are meant to stimulate the senses.  Senses are usually indulged for as long as possible so that the experience can be savored.  Many religions incorporate things like the smelling of incense and the kissing of relics into their services which last for hours.  The idea is that it helps one build a connection if you can indulge your senses with something as much as possible.  In the case of religion, the idea is to use that sensory input to build a connection to the Divine.  On the other side of the spectrum, think of things like raves.  For recreation, you have people tripping on ecstasy while inundating themselves in hypnotic music beats and light sequences.  People will spend hours dancing in this electronic haze.  I've actually seen interviews with habitual ravers where they describe themselves feeling a connection to their fellow human beings or to the spirit of the universe after such activities.  All in all, most people who frequent ancient religious ceremonies or raves find the experiences quite enjoyable.

The same could not be said for my quick exchange of handjob for blowjob with Brett.  Although we both ejaculated which is generally seen as the climax of the sexual act, it wasn't fun.  All of his rules and hang ups served to stifle the indulgence of the senses.  Without the savoring of the senses, the act was cold and mechanical.  I'd rather not do anything like that again.

Conversely, my kiss with Mike was something enjoyable.  If you read my description of it again, you can see that I describe how each of my senses was slowly titillated (yeah, I used that word) over a couple of hours before the epic pressing of lips.  The feel of his skin, the sound of his heartbeat, the cool feeling of rain dripping over both of us...all this and more led to this experience being so much more than a simple kiss.  It was Eros born of sensory input and an act of affection.  I'm still dating him, and I hope that Eros is more than fleeting.  Savoring sensuality made all the difference in the experience.

Anyway, that's my blog entry for this week.  I want to try to make this at least a weekly thing.  Feel free to leave your comments below.  Now, to counteract all the mushiness of this entry, I'll leave you with the most manly celebration of male sexuality ever:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXg9ZWQBoTU

Suggestions Welcome

I recently saw the movie, In Time.  I don't know if you've heard of it.  It's the one with Justin Timberlake and that guy who played Scarecrow in Batman Begins.  It's about a society where human beings stop aging at twenty-five.  They only live a year longer unless they can find a way to get more time.  Time is the currency of this world.  They earn it then spend it on goods and services.  Rich people can live forever while poor people lived day to day.  Everyone's arm has this glowing neon clock on it that displays how much time they have left.  The short of it is that time=life.  

Over the last couple of weeks, I have spent most of my time (AKA my life) playing a video game, specifically, the new MMO, Star Wars the Old Republic.  That game is a vampire.  It seduces you with its electronic ecstasy and drains your life hour by hour.

To make matters worse, I haven't written anything in over a month.  My skills are beginning to leave me.  I can feel it.  Seriously, how trite is it to make an analogy between a video game and a vampire?  Next thing you know, I'll be asking Stephanie Meyer for writing tips.

I want to write more because I feel like it's the only constructive thing I can do at this point in my life.  If I have to waste my time on something, I want it to be something that gives me a sense of accomplishment.  Being unemployed and living at home, writing's the only thing I've got.  There's one problem...I'm really bad at thinking of things to write about.

Here's the part where I ask you for help.  To all those reading this (hopefully someone's reading this), please post some ideas on what I should write about in the comments below.  Also, feel free to constructively criticize my writing style.  The key word there is "constructively."  If you act like an asshole just for the sake of acting like an asshole, then so help me...I will cry like a woman.  Not only will I cry, but I'll cut myself and eat a tub of ice cream while watching Steel Magnolias.  It won't be pretty.  Oh yeah, and I'll probably get around to blocking you at some point.  Anyway, I hope to hear from you guys.