Sexuality and Sensuality

Not too long ago, I had what may be the worst sexual experience of my life.  I won't say the guy's name.  Let's just call him Brett.  Anyway, Brett and I have both known each other for about three years.  We were both liberal arts majors at UTSA, and we actually graduated together.  We're okay friends, but our relationship's always been a bit weird.  Anyway, we recently both lamented the fact that we were alone and decided to meet up for some casual sex between friends (this actually isn't something I do very often).  It was terrible, and I'll tell you why:

Brett's Rules for Casual Sex:
No hugging
No cuddling
No kissing
No long stares
No talking
No holding hands
No massaging
No activity that conveys any strong emotion whatsoever

Anyway, our "sex" consisted of him giving me a handjob (a painfully bad one) before I went down on him.  Even in addition to all the rules listed above, he made me get on my knees on the hard floor and lower my head before him (being that this guy was a devout Catholic, I feel like there's a joke in there somewhere).  My knees were killing me by the time I finished.  It was quick and terrible.

This is in contrast to a really good sexual experience I had only a few days later which...involved no actual "sex" whatsoever.  I was at a bar on North Main when I saw this tall, handsome guy (let's call him Mike).  He had mocha colored skin and jet black hair.  Smiling, I sat down next to him and pretended that I needed directions to The Saint.  We talked for hours before he reached over and took my hand in his.  His hands were rough and strong.  Slowly, he wrapped his arms around me.  The smell of his cologne and the sound of his heartbeat were comforting.  About this time, it began to rain.  Cool, little droplets dripped down our arms.  It was refreshing as the coolness of the water contrasted with the warmth that we shared.  Then, with a Glenn Miller song playing in the background, our lips met.

Now, why was the second sexual experience I mentioned significantly better than the first?  Why was the handjob given to me by Brett so much worse than the kiss given to me Mike?  Well, one could say that Brett wasn't very skilled at what he was doing or that all his rules drained the spontaneity out of the act.  I think those are both contributing factors, but the main thing that I think made it lacking compared to the kiss was that it was lacking in savored sensuality.

We human beings are ultimately sensual creatures.  A great many activities we engage in are meant to stimulate the senses.  Senses are usually indulged for as long as possible so that the experience can be savored.  Many religions incorporate things like the smelling of incense and the kissing of relics into their services which last for hours.  The idea is that it helps one build a connection if you can indulge your senses with something as much as possible.  In the case of religion, the idea is to use that sensory input to build a connection to the Divine.  On the other side of the spectrum, think of things like raves.  For recreation, you have people tripping on ecstasy while inundating themselves in hypnotic music beats and light sequences.  People will spend hours dancing in this electronic haze.  I've actually seen interviews with habitual ravers where they describe themselves feeling a connection to their fellow human beings or to the spirit of the universe after such activities.  All in all, most people who frequent ancient religious ceremonies or raves find the experiences quite enjoyable.

The same could not be said for my quick exchange of handjob for blowjob with Brett.  Although we both ejaculated which is generally seen as the climax of the sexual act, it wasn't fun.  All of his rules and hang ups served to stifle the indulgence of the senses.  Without the savoring of the senses, the act was cold and mechanical.  I'd rather not do anything like that again.

Conversely, my kiss with Mike was something enjoyable.  If you read my description of it again, you can see that I describe how each of my senses was slowly titillated (yeah, I used that word) over a couple of hours before the epic pressing of lips.  The feel of his skin, the sound of his heartbeat, the cool feeling of rain dripping over both of us...all this and more led to this experience being so much more than a simple kiss.  It was Eros born of sensory input and an act of affection.  I'm still dating him, and I hope that Eros is more than fleeting.  Savoring sensuality made all the difference in the experience.

Anyway, that's my blog entry for this week.  I want to try to make this at least a weekly thing.  Feel free to leave your comments below.  Now, to counteract all the mushiness of this entry, I'll leave you with the most manly celebration of male sexuality ever:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXg9ZWQBoTU